| Grief often isolates parents from their children. There is | | | | 5. Make a story book. Draw, write and paste |
| a false belief that children need to be protected and | | | | photographs in a story book involving you, your child |
| left in their innocence for as long as possible. Such an | | | | and the deceased. Recall the typical phrases used by |
| attitude can have devastating effects on the chidrens' | | | | the departed, laugh about them, and add them to the |
| development and the parent- child relationship. Talking | | | | repertoire of shared memories. Encourage your child |
| and sharing grief and loss makes it normal, boosts the | | | | to make up songs and poems about life with and |
| resilence of children and teaches them how to grieve | | | | without the lost family member. |
| by reaching outwards, instead of going inward into | | | | 6. Make family audio tapes of conversations with the |
| depression. There are many ways the communication | | | | lost relative as if writing to them. Make up new recipes |
| can be built into the routine of daily life. | | | | with ingredients that the dead person favored. Have |
| If the experience of grief is crushing and complex for | | | | fun naming them in the memory of the departed. Sow |
| adults, it is alarming and incomprehensible for children. | | | | seed of plants that the deceased would have liked |
| When parents keep silent, children suffer a triple | | | | which your child can tend. |
| whammy. They suffer a bereavement, "loose" a | | | | 7. Put on mini stage plays that include the departed in |
| parent who has opted out by grieving alone, and are | | | | scenes. This is an excellent way for you and your child |
| bereft of tools to come to terms with their shattered | | | | to tell your lost loved one things that were left unsaid, |
| world. | | | | and to complete any unfinished business. |
| The core of children's worlds are their parents. They | | | | Benefits for you the parent |
| are very sensitive and acutely tuned into the feelings | | | | Ÿ Guilt free parenting |
| and well being of their parents. They have to be, | | | | Ÿ Remaining tuned into your child's needs |
| because their lives depend on it. "If mom and dad are | | | | Ÿ Developing a closer relationship with your child |
| well and happy then I am too," is the foundation on | | | | Ÿ Having a child that remains well adjusted, less |
| which youngsters build their lives. Children need to be | | | | prone to anxiety problems |
| included in parental experiences of grief and loss so | | | | Ÿ Weaving a strong and flexible bond with your |
| that their security blanket is not stolen from them | | | | child with your openness |
| without adequate preparation. If parents don't | | | | Ÿ Creation of inter-generational links, uniting families |
| communicate openly about their grief, children resort to | | | | lovingly |
| imagination and fantasy which can often be more | | | | Ÿ Passing on the vital legacy of making grief |
| devastating than the reality, crippling their future | | | | healthy |
| emotional development. | | | | Benefits for your children |
| How to share grief after a bereavement: | | | | Ÿ Reassurance that they are not forgotten or put |
| 1. Show and talk about your feelings. Be honest about | | | | aside |
| your moods. Let your child know that grief has not | | | | Ÿ Realization that they are not to blame for your |
| wiped you out. Cry openly but always let your child | | | | sadness or distant mood |
| know why and that you will soon recover. | | | | Ÿ Permission to ask questions and form a |
| 2. Construct a framework for understanding. Clarify | | | | framework for understanding loss |
| matters for your children by leaving the door open for | | | | Ÿ Learning that grief comes in different stages and |
| questions as and when they arise. | | | | forms |
| 3. Include them in your task, rites and rituals. Allow your | | | | Ÿ Learning about the tools of expressing grief and |
| child to help out in practical ways. Allowing your child to | | | | the importance of doing so |
| become part of the process of comforting is the best | | | | Ÿ Relief that negative emotions are not shameful |
| way of demonstrating their importance to the family. | | | | and can be tolerated by parents |
| Your child will then not have to jostle for a place in the | | | | Ÿ Opportunity to clarify the emotions, rites and |
| hierarchy of your attention. | | | | rituals associated with grief and loss |
| 4. Relate memories: tell stories to one another about | | | | Ÿ Learning how to let go without forgetting the |
| the lost family member. When eating out talk about | | | | loved one |
| what that departed one would have ordered, what | | | | Ÿ Acceptance of themselves when both good |
| DVD they would have chosen to rent. Recall the things | | | | and bad memories of the departed one is normal |
| that irritated you about the loved one. Avoid making | | | | Ÿ Chance to rehearse how to get on with life, |
| the lost relative a paragon of virtue. | | | | assimilating the memory of the lost relative. |