| If you are in a relationship, the following | | | | norm. It does not have to be a past |
| are serious signs that something is very | | | | relationship...maybe it was a time in your |
| wrong. Learn the patterns of abuse, learn | | | | single life when you can remember being happy |
| what to do, learn how to get your life | | | | and feeling free. Do you remember when you |
| back.ARE YOU BEING MISTREATED? Is your | | | | didn't feel sick? When you would wake up in |
| partner in the relationship rude to you? Does | | | | the morning and be ready to begin your day - |
| he put you down...tell you that you are | | | | with no aching in your heart? When you would |
| stupid...or "can't do anything right" ? Does | | | | go to sleep at night, feeling at peace? Allow |
| he seem to always be angry at you for | | | | yourself the chance to have that life again. |
| something? Do you find yourself saying "I'm | | | | If you decide that you are brave enough to |
| sorry" even if you have no real idea of what | | | | get your life back, make sure to do it |
| you did supposedly did wrong - but saying the | | | | completely. No phone calls, no looking back |
| words so that he will speak to you again? | | | | and no regrets. You can have peace |
| Does he ever disappear for a night- and then | | | | again.Leaving can be one of the most |
| not care that you've been worried sick over | | | | difficult things you will ever do in your |
| where he was? Are you constantly being | | | | life. It requires planning and a huge amount |
| accused of cheating on him with other men, | | | | of courage on your part to leave this |
| but it is your mate who disappears and sneaks | | | | relationship. Before you leave, bring any |
| around? Is he uncaring and cruel, perhaps not | | | | proof you have of the abuse. If you have any |
| showing concern if you are injured or upset | | | | injuries, ie: bruises, cuts, etc, take |
| about a personal situation? Are your | | | | pictures of all of them. This will come in |
| opinions worthless to him? Does he pass off | | | | handy later, if you go through any processes |
| your words as if you are nothing? Are you | | | | in the court system. You should definately |
| getting blamed for making him upset, but he | | | | contact your local court and request a |
| will never admit that he's does anything | | | | restraining order. Most men who are abusive |
| wrong? Is the relationship is based on sex, | | | | and act as if they are not scared of |
| but you sense that that's all it is- sex- and | | | | anything, will back away from you if |
| you know it's not thought of as "making | | | | threatened with jail time. A restraining |
| love"? All of the above are signs of verbal | | | | order can be immediately ordered, if you go |
| and/or emotional abuse!ARE YOU IN FEAR? Has | | | | to the police after he has injured you. Do |
| your partner threatened you ? Pushed you? | | | | not be afraid that he will get arrested and |
| Grabbed you by the hair? Thrown objects at | | | | seek revenge. When he is in jail, that is |
| you? Spit on you ? Slapped, hit or otherwise | | | | your safe time to escape.If you have any |
| hurt you? Do you live in fear, wondering when | | | | family that you can stay with, this is an |
| he will "snap" next? After he has done these | | | | option. However, if you do not feel safe and |
| things to you, does he apologize and promise | | | | are worried that he may bother you, harrass |
| to never do these things again ? Does he | | | | you or even do something worse to you, |
| threaten to kill you if you leave him? Or do | | | | finding a shelter may be the best option. |
| harm to himself? Does he coax you into | | | | Check your local directory, ask your local |
| staying in the relationship by fear or guilt? | | | | police or go online to find battered woman |
| Do you feel hopeless, lost and worthless? If | | | | shelters in your area. These "shelters" are |
| so, then he achieved what he wanted.IF THESE | | | | usually pleasant homes, made to protect |
| APPLY TO YOU:People who have a very strong | | | | woman. They appear to be every-day |
| emotional attachment for another , are | | | | multi-family homes from an outsider's view. |
| sometimes blind to the horrible treatment | | | | Inside is your safe haven to hide, as you |
| they are receiving. Or even if they know they | | | | begin to prepare for your new life. They will |
| are being mistreated, they will hang on. Why | | | | help you with food and clothing if needed. |
| ? One reason is that they are craving "true | | | | The woman running these shelters can point |
| love" and pray that the other person will | | | | you in the direction regarding obtaining |
| change their ways. After all, so much time | | | | housing, government help, finding a job, |
| was put into this relationship, and may be | | | | childcare and more.If you have children and |
| willing to wait around to them to start | | | | are afraid of having child custody issues, |
| treating you correctly. The other reason is | | | | rest assured, in most cases the court system |
| fear. Plain and simple, fear of this abuser | | | | is highly sympathetic to these cases. If you |
| can make you feel terrified down to your | | | | obtain a restraining order, you can have it |
| bones. Despite the fear you are feeling, you | | | | include your children also. If you will be |
| can change your life. First understand that | | | | divorcing this abusive person, you can |
| the problem is not you. You may have been | | | | request that they go through anger management |
| told over and over again that you "bring out | | | | courses before being able to have visitation. |
| the worst in him" , "Push his buttons" or | | | | You may also request no visitation, based on |
| other brainwashing techniques. You must take | | | | his abusive behavior. If visitation is |
| them for what they are: a form of controlling | | | | ordered, you can then request that the visits |
| you. The next step is to come to complete | | | | are supervised, based on your belief that he |
| realization that despite pleading, begging, | | | | could present harm to your children and/or |
| crying and talking until you are exhausted, | | | | put them in an unhealthy environment.When you |
| you are powerless to control him. All you | | | | actually start "living" again, the freedom is |
| can control is what you will now do with the | | | | very sweet. It will not matter if you went |
| situation. You've heard this advice before, | | | | from living in a big home while being a |
| and you will hear it again, you can not | | | | housewife to a small apartment and working as |
| change anyone! If someone is putting you | | | | a clerk! The freedom is just too sweet to |
| through emotional Hell, help yourself...you | | | | care about those things. If you have |
| need to ask yourself a very important | | | | children, the joy you will receive knowing |
| question...IS IT WORTH IT? Chances are, if | | | | that you are raising them in a violent-free |
| things are so unstable, it is taking a toll | | | | atmosphere is irreplaceable.If you think all |
| on your life. If you find yourself unable to | | | | of this can not be done, know that it has |
| concentrate at work, give proper attention to | | | | been done. I have personally lived through |
| children, family or good friends, and/or not | | | | all of the above. I am now free, happy and |
| giving yourself needed attention...then...is | | | | unafraid of life. We can't change the choices |
| it really worth it ? Does someone else | | | | we made that brought us to be with the |
| deserve the power to make your life so | | | | abuser, but we can change what happens next. |
| miserable? Why would you want to give that | | | | No looking back, no regrets. Peace be with |
| power to someone who is abusive? Don't allow | | | | you.This advice and much more can be found at |
| it anymore. If you do not want to spend the | | | | A free and complete women's online magazine. |
| rest of your life in "Emotional Hell", take a | | | | Updated daily and weekly, offering help and |
| chance, find the courage and take control of | | | | advice on all of your dating, relationship |
| your life. If your life is so unhappy now, | | | | and breakup needs. Readers change the |
| do you think it would get worse? The answer | | | | contents with submissions in Q&A, |
| is "no". You will begin to live again.WHAT | | | | Fill-in-the-Blanks and polls. Great |
| DO YOU DO ? Begin by getting emotionally | | | | guidelines and checklists, to ensure that you |
| ready to leave. It helps by thinking back to | | | | are receiving the love you deserve. |
| a time in your life when happiness was the | | | | |