| My wife and I need to exercise more.
| |
| | jelly sandwiches (for subsistence),
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| Every time we leave the house we notice
| |
| | energy bars (for endurance), 2 jugs of
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| vultures circling overhead in
| |
| | Gatorade (to replenish our bodily
|
| anticipation and now our washing machine
| |
| | fluids), rain gear (in case of inclement
|
| is doing that nasty thing where it
| |
| | weather), a map and compass (in case we
|
| shrinks our clothes. So, in a moment of
| |
| | get lost), a flashlight (in case we're
|
| pure inspiration and absolutely no
| |
| | lost at night), and signal flares (to
|
| intelligent thought whatsoever, we decide
| |
| | assist the search party).We go over the
|
| to take up mountain biking. We could
| |
| | route one final time. I spread the map
|
| remember biking as kids and there was
| |
| | out on the kitchen table, pointer in hand
|
| nothing to it. We set out to purchase our
| |
| | and carefully review the emergency
|
| bikes with the fond memory of a cool
| |
| | procedures. "If separated, we will
|
| breeze gently blowing in our faces.One of
| |
| | rendezvous either here, at check-point
|
| the very first things we discover is that
| |
| | Charlie, or here, at check-point
|
| the seats are too small. Apparently they
| |
| | Romeo.""We've been over this four times
|
| are now making the seats smaller than in
| |
| | already," my wife complains, obviously
|
| our youth. The clerk smiles knowingly and
| |
| | taking the whole adventure much too
|
| smugly suggests that for the more mature
| |
| | lightly and showing no respect for my
|
| biking enthusiasts they can attach foam
| |
| | superior training and experience. After
|
| padding. There is, of course, an extra
| |
| | all, I was the one who spent nearly two
|
| charge. My wife chooses the padding and
| |
| | full years in the Cub Scouts, not her.
|
| is currently riding around on what looks
| |
| | Fortunately, I understand the seriousness
|
| like a bucket seat from a 1967 Buick. I,
| |
| | of the task ahead and have taken the
|
| on the other hand, have decided to save
| |
| | necessary precautions.We're finally ready
|
| the additional expense and go without the
| |
| | to put our weeks of training and
|
| padding. My proctologist has assured me
| |
| | preparations to use. It's time to venture
|
| that the tingling in my left buttock
| |
| | forth and boldly go where no sane
|
| should fade away with time.Early saturday
| |
| | middle-aged couple has gone before --
|
| morning we prepare for our first cycling
| |
| | it's time to leave our driveway.We brief
|
| adventure. We decide to leave early to
| |
| | the kids. "Now remember, while we are
|
| insure we'll be back before dark. My wife
| |
| | gone we want one of you to remain by the
|
| is to travel in front and carry a fanny
| |
| | phone at all times in case we need to
|
| pack with suntan lotion, a first aid kit
| |
| | call for assistance.""But you're only
|
| and our medical insurance cards. Her job
| |
| | going around the block," the kids
|
| is to set the pace. My job is to follow
| |
| | complain. "The house will be in sight the
|
| behind and criticize. I'll be carrying a
| |
| | entire time."Ah, the innocence of youth.
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| backpack filled with: peanut butter and
| |
| | They oversimplify everything.
|
