| Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for | | | | ago. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child," is |
| your child not obeying you when you have asked him | | | | the way he put it. Simply said, "Kids will do foolish |
| or her to do something. It is helpful because it is | | | | things, they are not yet wise." It is our job as parents to |
| descriptive, and because it may also motivate us as | | | | teach them wisdom.3. We often EXPECT more out |
| parents to move our kids from being non-compliant to | | | | of our kid's behavior than we expect from ourselves. |
| being compliant. | | | | We want others to excuse faults in us, yet we will |
| | | | expect perfection in our children. This needs to |
| Here's how we are going to define the term | | | | change.4. Children do things on purpose. Sometimes |
| "non-compliance" in children: | | | | your child will misbehave on purpose. He is testing you. |
| | | | He is observing you. Draw the line now, or you will be |
| 1. The child fails to begin doing what he was asked | | | | sorry later.5. Child behavior is not random. See number |
| within a reasonable amount of time (15 seconds);2. The | | | | 4. |
| child fails to keep doing what he was asked until the | | | | |
| job is finished;3. The child fails to follow previously | | | | Here are two phrases for parents to remember in |
| taught rules of conduct in a specific situation, such as | | | | understanding your children: |
| at church, at school, at the store, or with friends; | | | | |
| | | | A child's behavior occurs because of who the child is, |
| When your child is non-compliant you need to take | | | | what the child knows about you, and what the child |
| action. You simply cannot ignore the behavior hoping | | | | wants from you. |
| that it will go away. Deal with the situation yourself, or | | | | |
| consider getting some professional help in tough | | | | The child will do things either to get POSITIVE |
| situations. Non-compliance should be treated because: | | | | REINFORCEMENT, or to ESCAPE or AVOID |
| | | | SOMETHING that he does not want to do or have. |
| 1. It is the most frequent complaint of parents seeking | | | | |
| help in clinics;2. It underlies most negative interactions | | | | So please spend enough time with your child to let him |
| between family members and the child;3. Because | | | | know that you are on his side, and that you want the |
| disruptive-aggressive behaviors usually do not occur | | | | best for him. There are certain things that our children |
| randomly. Instead they occur in "bursts" and are usually | | | | need to know in order to be successful in life, and one |
| associated with having asked the child to do | | | | of those things is knowing how to listen and obey |
| something. | | | | parents. Stay the course and be consistent with |
| | | | teaching your child wisdom and compliance. To learn |
| Over the years I have developed some | | | | more about helping children, visit Cowan, Psy.D., is a |
| presuppositions with respect to children and their | | | | family therapist who has been working with ADHD |
| behavior. I'd like to pass this on to you, as parents, with | | | | children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical |
| the hope that it will help you in dealing with your | | | | director of the ADHD Information Library's family of |
| non-compliant child. They are: | | | | seven web sites, including helping over 350,000 parents |
| | | | and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. |
| 1. Kids are weird. Children do not think like adults do, | | | | Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of |
| they do not process information as adults do. The do | | | | VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the |
| not see the world around them as adults do.2. Kids are | | | | Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central |
| fools. This is not original with me. King Solomon, | | | | California, and is President of NewIdeas.net |
| reflecting on his growing family (remember he had | | | | Incorporated. |
| 1,000 wives and many children) said this a long time | | | | |