| Non-compliance is the family therapist's big | | | | not original with me. King Solomon, |
| word for your child not obeying you when you | | | | reflecting on his growing family (remember he |
| have asked him or her to do something. It is | | | | had 1,000 wives and many children) said this |
| helpful because it is descriptive, and | | | | a long time ago. "Foolishness is bound up in |
| because it may also motivate us as parents to | | | | the heart of a child," is the way he put it. |
| move our kids from being non-compliant to | | | | Simply said, "Kids will do foolish things, |
| being compliant. | | | | they are not yet wise." It is our job as |
| | | | parents to teach them wisdom.3. We often |
| | | | EXPECT more out of our kid's behavior than we |
| | | | expect from ourselves. We want others to |
| Here's how we are going to define the term | | | | excuse faults in us, yet we will expect |
| "non-compliance" in children: | | | | perfection in our children. This needs to |
| | | | change.4. Children do things on purpose. |
| | | | Sometimes your child will misbehave on |
| | | | purpose. He is testing you. He is observing |
| 1. The child fails to begin doing what he was | | | | you. Draw the line now, or you will be sorry |
| asked within a reasonable amount of time (15 | | | | later.5. Child behavior is not random. See |
| seconds);2. The child fails to keep doing | | | | number 4. |
| what he was asked until the job is | | | | |
| finished;3. The child fails to follow | | | | |
| previously taught rules of conduct in a | | | | |
| specific situation, such as at church, at | | | | Here are two phrases for parents to remember |
| school, at the store, or with friends; | | | | in understanding your children: |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| When your child is non-compliant you need to | | | | A child's behavior occurs because of who the |
| take action. You simply cannot ignore the | | | | child is, what the child knows about you, and |
| behavior hoping that it will go away. Deal | | | | what the child wants from you. |
| with the situation yourself, or consider | | | | |
| getting some professional help in tough | | | | |
| situations. Non-compliance should be treated | | | | |
| because: | | | | The child will do things either to get |
| | | | POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, or to ESCAPE or AVOID |
| | | | SOMETHING that he does not want to do or |
| | | | have. |
| 1. It is the most frequent complaint of | | | | |
| parents seeking help in clinics;2. It | | | | |
| underlies most negative interactions between | | | | |
| family members and the child;3. Because | | | | So please spend enough time with your child |
| disruptive-aggressive behaviors usually do | | | | to let him know that you are on his side, and |
| not occur randomly. Instead they occur in | | | | that you want the best for him. There are |
| "bursts" and are usually associated with | | | | certain things that our children need to know |
| having asked the child to do something. | | | | in order to be successful in life, and one of |
| | | | those things is knowing how to listen and |
| | | | obey parents. Stay the course and be |
| | | | consistent with teaching your child wisdom |
| Over the years I have developed some | | | | and compliance. To learn more about helping |
| presuppositions with respect to children and | | | | children, visit Cowan, Psy.D., is a family |
| their behavior. I'd like to pass this on to | | | | therapist who has been working with ADHD |
| you, as parents, with the hope that it will | | | | children and their families since 1986. He is |
| help you in dealing with your non-compliant | | | | the clinical director of the ADHD Information |
| child. They are: | | | | Library's family of seven web sites, |
| | | | including helping over 350,000 parents and |
| | | | teachers learn more about ADHD each year. |
| | | | Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory |
| 1. Kids are weird. Children do not think like | | | | Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is |
| adults do, they do not process information as | | | | President of the Board of Directors for KAXL |
| adults do. The do not see the world around | | | | 88.3 FM in central California, and is |
| them as adults do.2. Kids are fools. This is | | | | President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated. |