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Non-Compliance in Your Children, Some Tips for Parents

Non-compliance is the family therapist's wives and many children) said this a long
big word for your child not obeying you time ago. "Foolishness is bound up in the
when you have asked him or her to do heart of a child," is the way he put it.
something. It is helpful because it is Simply said, "Kids will do foolish
descriptive, and because it may also things, they are not yet wise." It is our
motivate us as parents to move our kids job as parents to teach them wisdom.3. We
from being non-compliant to being often EXPECT more out of our kid's
compliant. behavior than we expect from ourselves.
We want others to excuse faults in us,
Here's how we are going to define the yet we will expect perfection in our
term "non-compliance" in children: children. This needs to change.4.
Children do things on purpose. Sometimes
1. The child fails to begin doing what he your child will misbehave on purpose. He
was asked within a reasonable amount of is testing you. He is observing you. Draw
time (15 seconds);2. The child fails to the line now, or you will be sorry
keep doing what he was asked until the later.5. Child behavior is not random.
job is finished;3. The child fails to See number 4.
follow previously taught rules of conduct
in a specific situation, such as at Here are two phrases for parents to
church, at school, at the store, or with remember in understanding your children:
friends;
A child's behavior occurs because of who
When your child is non-compliant you need the child is, what the child knows about
to take action. You simply cannot ignore you, and what the child wants from you.
the behavior hoping that it will go away.
Deal with the situation yourself, or The child will do things either to get
consider getting some professional help POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, or to ESCAPE or
in tough situations. Non-compliance AVOID SOMETHING that he does not want to
should be treated because: do or have.
1. It is the most frequent complaint of So please spend enough time with your
parents seeking help in clinics;2. It child to let him know that you are on his
underlies most negative interactions side, and that you want the best for him.
between family members and the child;3. There are certain things that our
Because disruptive-aggressive behaviors children need to know in order to be
usually do not occur randomly. Instead successful in life, and one of those
they occur in "bursts" and are usually things is knowing how to listen and obey
associated with having asked the child to parents. Stay the course and be
do something. consistent with teaching your child
wisdom and compliance. To learn more
Over the years I have developed some about helping children, visit Cowan,
presuppositions with respect to children Psy.D., is a family therapist who has
and their behavior. I'd like to pass this been working with ADHD children and their
on to you, as parents, with the hope that families since 1986. He is the clinical
it will help you in dealing with your director of the ADHD Information
non-compliant child. They are: Library's family of seven web sites,
including helping over 350,000 parents
1. Kids are weird. Children do not think and teachers learn more about ADHD each
like adults do, they do not process year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the
information as adults do. The do not see Medical Advisory Board of VAXA
the world around them as adults do.2. International of Tampa, FL., is President
Kids are fools. This is not original with of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3
me. King Solomon, reflecting on his FM in central California, and is
growing family (remember he had 1,000 President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.




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