| What I am about to tell you may save the life | | | | silent, let him be silent. It is okay to have |
| of your child. In this world the safety and | | | | silence. You do not need to speak. He may be |
| well-being of your teenager depends on his | | | | processing. |
| awareness and knowledge of sex. | | | | |
| | | | Give him the time and space he needs to do |
| It is critical that you, as a responsible | | | | what he needs to do. He knows you are |
| and loving parent address that issue in | | | | available when he wants to talk.Facts are |
| detail. Here are some key questions to broach | | | | key. If he has unanswered questions, where |
| the subject, to let your child know you care | | | | can he go for accurate information? The |
| and want the best for him.Recognize he may be | | | | streets, his friends, and the media may not |
| reluctant to speak about something so | | | | be the best place to find what he seeks on |
| personal with you if you are not accustomed | | | | the subject of sex.*Be sure you ask your |
| to sharing feelings and intimate topics. You | | | | child, "Do you know that protection is not a |
| may feel embarrassed bringing up the subject. | | | | 100% guarantee of health, safety or an |
| | | | absolute deterrent to pregnancy?" Be sure he |
| Before you do, be sure you can answer these | | | | knows the consequences of the actions he may |
| questions for yourself. Also, decide what you | | | | or may not take.* Follow-up with, "Do you |
| are comfortable sharing about your personal | | | | want help or advice in obtaining protection?" |
| experiences and beliefs on the subject of | | | | That question is especially important for |
| teen sexuality and activity.*To start, simply | | | | girls who may want to see a gynecologist and |
| ask your teenager, "What kind of questions | | | | may not know how to find a good one who can |
| do you have or what do you want to know more | | | | take care of her needs.If your teen uses the |
| about regarding sex?" You will certainly | | | | Internet, know that more than 61,000 searches |
| grab his attention.* You may want to throw | | | | were done in the month of April on phrases |
| out some information he is unlikely to know, | | | | dealing with teen pornography. What pages is |
| something like, "Do you know that the sex | | | | your child visiting? Ask. Know that if you |
| partners you choose can influence whether or | | | | impose your will he will go elsewhere to |
| not you get certain types of cancer?"The | | | | pursue his desires. Build trust with your |
| object here is to get your child talking -- | | | | teenager.The purpose in having this talk is |
| or at least willing to talk. He may tell you | | | | education. I do not, in any way, shape, or |
| he knows everything he needs to know. Where | | | | form, advocate teen sex. However, statistics |
| do you go from there?*Ask, "Do you know that | | | | show that youngsters as young as 13 engage in |
| sex is not the same thing as love?" Watch his | | | | sexual activity. Have the talk now.When |
| face for acknowledgement, disagreement, or | | | | hormones and peer pressure kick in, a wise |
| confusion. Follow up with, "Sex is physical. | | | | and educated youngster, who has previously |
| Love is emotional".Listen to him. Pay | | | | given thought to and made decisions about his |
| attention to what he says and to the words he | | | | actions, has a better chance of living the |
| does not speak. Notice his body language, | | | | life he wants than one who has not prepared |
| hear the underlying message, the words | | | | himself for the inevitable emotions and |
| between the lines, his tone, word choice and | | | | situations that will come up in life.Actions |
| pace. Note his emotions, eye contact, and | | | | and results, desirable and undesirable, |
| whether he is at ease or trying to conceal | | | | reflect self esteem. To change behaviors, |
| any discomfort.If you do observe that he is | | | | treat the cause not just the symptoms.What is |
| uncomfortable, tell him you noticed and ask | | | | the cost, to you and to him, of not knowing |
| if he wants to talk about what is bothering | | | | where your teenager stands on sex?Ali |
| him. Assure him that you are not here to | | | | Bierman, parent, psychotherapist and author |
| judge him. | | | | of the popular ebook Parents, You Gotta Ask |
| | | | Questions: How To Build Adolescent Self |
| Most importantly, let him know you are | | | | Esteem, poses 14 questions on sex and a total |
| having this talk because you love him and no | | | | of 189 questions covering nine areas of life. |
| matter what he has done or is thinking about | | | | |
| doing, he is safe talking with you. Tell him | | | | To find out more and grab your gift, the |
| nothing can change your love for him.And then | | | | e-course, Parents, Are You Making These 6 |
| go where he takes you. If he chooses to be | | | | Mistakes with Your Child? |