| What I am about to tell you may save the life of your | | | | let him be silent. It is okay to have silence. You do not |
| child. In this world the safety and well-being of your | | | | need to speak. He may be processing. |
| teenager depends on his awareness and knowledge | | | | Give him the time and space he needs to do what he |
| of sex. | | | | needs to do. He knows you are available when he |
| It is critical that you, as a responsible and loving parent | | | | wants to talk.Facts are key. If he has unanswered |
| address that issue in detail. Here are some key | | | | questions, where can he go for accurate information? |
| questions to broach the subject, to let your child know | | | | The streets, his friends, and the media may not be the |
| you care and want the best for him.Recognize he | | | | best place to find what he seeks on the subject of |
| may be reluctant to speak about something so | | | | sex.*Be sure you ask your child, "Do you know that |
| personal with you if you are not accustomed to | | | | protection is not a 100% guarantee of health, safety or |
| sharing feelings and intimate topics. You may feel | | | | an absolute deterrent to pregnancy?" Be sure he |
| embarrassed bringing up the subject. | | | | knows the consequences of the actions he may or |
| Before you do, be sure you can answer these | | | | may not take.* Follow-up with, "Do you want help or |
| questions for yourself. Also, decide what you are | | | | advice in obtaining protection?" That question is |
| comfortable sharing about your personal experiences | | | | especially important for girls who may want to see a |
| and beliefs on the subject of teen sexuality and | | | | gynecologist and may not know how to find a good |
| activity.*To start, simply ask your teenager, "What kind | | | | one who can take care of her needs.If your teen uses |
| of questions do you have or what do you want to | | | | the Internet, know that more than 61,000 searches |
| know more about regarding sex?" You will certainly | | | | were done in the month of April on phrases dealing |
| grab his attention.* You may want to throw out some | | | | with teen pornography. What pages is your child |
| information he is unlikely to know, something like, "Do | | | | visiting? Ask. Know that if you impose your will he will |
| you know that the sex partners you choose can | | | | go elsewhere to pursue his desires. Build trust with |
| influence whether or not you get certain types of | | | | your teenager.The purpose in having this talk is |
| cancer?"The object here is to get your child talking -- | | | | education. I do not, in any way, shape, or form, |
| or at least willing to talk. He may tell you he knows | | | | advocate teen sex. However, statistics show that |
| everything he needs to know. Where do you go from | | | | youngsters as young as 13 engage in sexual activity. |
| there?*Ask, "Do you know that sex is not the same | | | | Have the talk now.When hormones and peer pressure |
| thing as love?" Watch his face for acknowledgement, | | | | kick in, a wise and educated youngster, who has |
| disagreement, or confusion. Follow up with, "Sex is | | | | previously given thought to and made decisions about |
| physical. Love is emotional".Listen to him. Pay attention | | | | his actions, has a better chance of living the life he |
| to what he says and to the words he does not speak. | | | | wants than one who has not prepared himself for the |
| Notice his body language, hear the underlying message, | | | | inevitable emotions and situations that will come up in |
| the words between the lines, his tone, word choice | | | | life.Actions and results, desirable and undesirable, |
| and pace. Note his emotions, eye contact, and | | | | reflect self esteem. To change behaviors, treat the |
| whether he is at ease or trying to conceal any | | | | cause not just the symptoms.What is the cost, to you |
| discomfort.If you do observe that he is uncomfortable, | | | | and to him, of not knowing where your teenager |
| tell him you noticed and ask if he wants to talk about | | | | stands on sex?Ali Bierman, parent, psychotherapist |
| what is bothering him. Assure him that you are not | | | | and author of the popular ebook Parents, You Gotta |
| here to judge him. | | | | Ask Questions: How To Build Adolescent Self Esteem, |
| Most importantly, let him know you are having this talk | | | | poses 14 questions on sex and a total of 189 questions |
| because you love him and no matter what he has | | | | covering nine areas of life. |
| done or is thinking about doing, he is safe talking with | | | | To find out more and grab your gift, the e-course, |
| you. Tell him nothing can change your love for him.And | | | | Parents, Are You Making These 6 Mistakes with Your |
| then go where he takes you. If he chooses to be silent, | | | | Child? |