| Attention parents: It's back-to-school shopping time. | | | | See what they can come up with. When kids are |
| This year, do your kids a favor by NOT buying them | | | | involved in all stages of a decision-making process, |
| everything they claim they need. Of course, you will | | | | they are more cooperative.3. For younger children who |
| probably purchase some clothes, shoes, and school | | | | demand a cartoon logo on every article of clothing, tell |
| supplies.But when it comes to expensive name brands, | | | | them how many such items you will allow, and let them |
| sports logos, celebrity-licensed items and electronic | | | | pick the specific items. For example, if you allow two, |
| equipment, it's better to set limits -- not only for the | | | | they might pick a sweatshirt and a backpack, or a |
| sake of your wallet, but also because it is | | | | jacket and a notebook. You can also set a dollar limit |
| psychologically healthier for your children. Here's why:- | | | | on items with licensed characters. Allowing some |
| Kids who get everything they want develop | | | | degree of choice helps younger children feel a sense |
| expectations that this will always be the case. This | | | | of mastery and control.4. When you go on the |
| leaves them ill prepared to deal with the world later, as | | | | shopping trip, don't rush through it. Allow time for lunch |
| adults.- Kids who get everything they want develop a | | | | or videogame breaks. In this way, the shopping trip |
| sense of entitlement, with the assumption that things | | | | becomes a shared family experience, not just a mad |
| should come easily and on demand. Not only is this | | | | rush to acquire things.5. Set limits not just on the dollar |
| unrealistic, but such a sense of entitlement fosters a | | | | amount you'll be spending, but also on what is |
| very self-centered view of life, which can lead to | | | | acceptable. Your teenager may insist on certain |
| relationship problems as adults.- Kids who don't have | | | | clothing styles that you don't approve of. If she starts |
| to work for things are deprived of the opportunity to | | | | arguing with you at the store, calmly tell her it's time to |
| develop self-esteem. Self-esteem doesn't come from | | | | go home. If she continues arguing in the car, don't try to |
| the brand of sneakers they wear. Nor does it come | | | | reason with her; she's too angry to listen to logic at |
| from merely being told that they're a good person. It | | | | that time. However, you can offer to take her |
| comes from a sense of competence, which develops | | | | shopping on another day when she has settled |
| through sustained effort toward a goal (e.g., saving up | | | | down.6. If your child insists that he absolutely needs |
| for those special sneakers.)- Research shows that | | | | something that is not in your budget, make a deal with |
| kids who don't learn to postpone gratification may not | | | | him to allow him to earn money toward it by doing |
| develop the "emotional intelligence" that is important for | | | | extra chores. However, don't buy the item until he has |
| long-term success in life. Emotional intelligence includes | | | | earned the money. This is very important, because it |
| skills such as self-control, confidence, empathy and | | | | helps your child learn to plan and to work toward a |
| communication.So, to help both your wallet and your | | | | goal. He will also appreciate more an item that he had |
| kids, here are some tips for setting limits on | | | | to work for.7. If you're like many parents, you try to set |
| back-to-school expenditures:1. Decide in advance how | | | | limits or to say "No", but the kids whine and complain |
| much you plan to spend. Divide your list into two | | | | so much that you eventually give in. Try your best not |
| categories: Necessities and Want-to-haves. | | | | to succumb. If you give in, you are inadvertently |
| Concentrate on the former.2. If your children are of | | | | teaching your children that if they whine long enough, |
| middle-school age or older, involve them in the planning. | | | | they will eventually get their way.Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. |
| Give them a budget and show them the sale flyers. | | | | |