| If you are in a relationship, the following are serious | | | | thinking back to a time in your life when happiness was |
| signs that something is very wrong. Learn the patterns | | | | the norm. It does not have to be a past |
| of abuse, learn what to do, learn how to get your life | | | | relationship...maybe it was a time in your single life |
| back.ARE YOU BEING MISTREATED? Is your | | | | when you can remember being happy and feeling free. |
| partner in the relationship rude to you? Does he put | | | | Do you remember when you didn't feel sick? When |
| you down...tell you that you are stupid...or "can't do | | | | you would wake up in the morning and be ready to |
| anything right" ? Does he seem to always be angry at | | | | begin your day - with no aching in your heart? When |
| you for something? Do you find yourself saying "I'm | | | | you would go to sleep at night, feeling at peace? Allow |
| sorry" even if you have no real idea of what you did | | | | yourself the chance to have that life again. If you |
| supposedly did wrong - but saying the words so that | | | | decide that you are brave enough to get your life |
| he will speak to you again? Does he ever disappear | | | | back, make sure to do it completely. No phone calls, no |
| for a night- and then not care that you've been | | | | looking back and no regrets. You can have peace |
| worried sick over where he was? Are you constantly | | | | again.Leaving can be one of the most difficult things |
| being accused of cheating on him with other men, but it | | | | you will ever do in your life. It requires planning and a |
| is your mate who disappears and sneaks around? Is | | | | huge amount of courage on your part to leave this |
| he uncaring and cruel, perhaps not showing concern if | | | | relationship. Before you leave, bring any proof you |
| you are injured or upset about a personal situation? | | | | have of the abuse. If you have any injuries, ie: bruises, |
| Are your opinions worthless to him? Does he pass off | | | | cuts, etc, take pictures of all of them. This will come in |
| your words as if you are nothing? Are you getting | | | | handy later, if you go through any processes in the |
| blamed for making him upset, but he will never admit | | | | court system. You should definately contact your local |
| that he's does anything wrong? Is the relationship is | | | | court and request a restraining order. Most men who |
| based on sex, but you sense that that's all it is- sex- | | | | are abusive and act as if they are not scared of |
| and you know it's not thought of as "making love"? All | | | | anything, will back away from you if threatened with |
| of the above are signs of verbal and/or emotional | | | | jail time. A restraining order can be immediately |
| abuse!ARE YOU IN FEAR? Has your partner | | | | ordered, if you go to the police after he has injured |
| threatened you ? Pushed you? Grabbed you by the | | | | you. Do not be afraid that he will get arrested and |
| hair? Thrown objects at you? Spit on you ? Slapped, | | | | seek revenge. When he is in jail, that is your safe time |
| hit or otherwise hurt you? Do you live in fear, | | | | to escape.If you have any family that you can stay |
| wondering when he will "snap" next? After he has | | | | with, this is an option. However, if you do not feel safe |
| done these things to you, does he apologize and | | | | and are worried that he may bother you, harrass you |
| promise to never do these things again ? Does he | | | | or even do something worse to you, finding a shelter |
| threaten to kill you if you leave him? Or do harm to | | | | may be the best option. Check your local directory, |
| himself? Does he coax you into staying in the | | | | ask your local police or go online to find battered |
| relationship by fear or guilt? Do you feel hopeless, lost | | | | woman shelters in your area. These "shelters" are |
| and worthless? If so, then he achieved what he | | | | usually pleasant homes, made to protect woman. They |
| wanted.IF THESE APPLY TO YOU:People who have | | | | appear to be every-day multi-family homes from an |
| a very strong emotional attachment for another , are | | | | outsider's view. Inside is your safe haven to hide, as |
| sometimes blind to the horrible treatment they are | | | | you begin to prepare for your new life. They will help |
| receiving. Or even if they know they are being | | | | you with food and clothing if needed. The woman |
| mistreated, they will hang on. Why ? One reason is | | | | running these shelters can point you in the direction |
| that they are craving "true love" and pray that the | | | | regarding obtaining housing, government help, finding a |
| other person will change their ways. After all, so much | | | | job, childcare and more.If you have children and are |
| time was put into this relationship, and may be willing to | | | | afraid of having child custody issues, rest assured, in |
| wait around to them to start treating you correctly. | | | | most cases the court system is highly sympathetic to |
| The other reason is fear. Plain and simple, fear of this | | | | these cases. If you obtain a restraining order, you can |
| abuser can make you feel terrified down to your | | | | have it include your children also. If you will be divorcing |
| bones. Despite the fear you are feeling, you can | | | | this abusive person, you can request that they go |
| change your life. First understand that the problem is | | | | through anger management courses before being able |
| not you. You may have been told over and over again | | | | to have visitation. You may also request no visitation, |
| that you "bring out the worst in him" , "Push his buttons" | | | | based on his abusive behavior. If visitation is ordered, |
| or other brainwashing techniques. You must take them | | | | you can then request that the visits are supervised, |
| for what they are: a form of controlling you. The next | | | | based on your belief that he could present harm to |
| step is to come to complete realization that despite | | | | your children and/or put them in an unhealthy |
| pleading, begging, crying and talking until you are | | | | environment.When you actually start "living" again, the |
| exhausted, you are powerless to control him. All you | | | | freedom is very sweet. It will not matter if you went |
| can control is what you will now do with the situation. | | | | from living in a big home while being a housewife to a |
| You've heard this advice before, and you will hear it | | | | small apartment and working as a clerk! The freedom |
| again, you can not change anyone! If someone is | | | | is just too sweet to care about those things. If you |
| putting you through emotional Hell, help yourself...you | | | | have children, the joy you will receive knowing that you |
| need to ask yourself a very important question...IS IT | | | | are raising them in a violent-free atmosphere is |
| WORTH IT? Chances are, if things are so unstable, it | | | | irreplaceable.If you think all of this can not be done, |
| is taking a toll on your life. If you find yourself unable to | | | | know that it has been done. I have personally lived |
| concentrate at work, give proper attention to children, | | | | through all of the above. I am now free, happy and |
| family or good friends, and/or not giving yourself | | | | unafraid of life. We can't change the choices we made |
| needed attention...then...is it really worth it ? Does | | | | that brought us to be with the abuser, but we can |
| someone else deserve the power to make your life | | | | change what happens next. No looking back, no |
| so miserable? Why would you want to give that | | | | regrets. Peace be with you.This advice and much |
| power to someone who is abusive? Don't allow it | | | | more can be found at A free and complete women's |
| anymore. If you do not want to spend the rest of your | | | | online magazine. Updated daily and weekly, offering |
| life in "Emotional Hell", take a chance, find the courage | | | | help and advice on all of your dating, relationship and |
| and take control of your life. If your life is so unhappy | | | | breakup needs. Readers change the contents with |
| now, do you think it would get worse? The answer is | | | | submissions in Q&A, Fill-in-the-Blanks and polls. Great |
| "no". You will begin to live again.WHAT DO YOU DO ? | | | | guidelines and checklists, to ensure that you are |
| Begin by getting emotionally ready to leave. It helps by | | | | receiving the love you deserve. |