| I'm always humbled into a moment of silence when a | | | | to bend them-when the adults in the house are on |
| parent tells me, "We don't have a television." I think, | | | | different pages. |
| Wow, no fallback plan when you're craving a moment | | | | Other parents I've talked to have said having a |
| of silence with every cell of your body; Enduring kids' | | | | consistently-enforced TV time has virtually eliminated |
| inevitable comparisons to friends' families who do have | | | | all struggles about television. In fact, I got this idea from |
| on-screen entertainment. | | | | one of them (thank you, Kate!) |
| I also admire them for being part of a committed | | | | 3. Interact with the content. This is something I've been |
| cadre of people who have taken a huge step to find | | | | doing with Cainan ever since he could talk. We started |
| alternatives to prefabricated images, to stimulate their | | | | with books. We'd look at a character's face, and I'd |
| kids' imaginations. | | | | ask, "What is s/he feeling?" |
| I am not one of those people. | | | | I'd heard enough stereotypes (and seen enough |
| Maybe I will be when I grow up. | | | | examples) of men failing to notice or tune into others' |
| In the meantime, purity (such as being 100% free of | | | | feelings that I figured I'd nurture this capacity early on |
| TV) feels like a luxury to me, or else a supreme effort | | | | whenever possible. |
| I'm not usually up for. Incremental choices do count, and | | | | Also, no matter how carefully we screen the content |
| can be incredibly powerful. I breastfed most, not all of | | | | of books, television, or heck, life experiences, things will |
| the time. I eat meat only occasionally, sparing the cows | | | | always seep through to our beloved children that we |
| and the planet more than my palate alone would | | | | wish hadn't. These can be opportunities to look at the |
| choose. | | | | situation together and develop a nuanced response |
| Similarly, every household with a TV (and I daresay | | | | that can support our children to deal with all kinds of |
| that's most) gets to make choices about when the TV | | | | situations when we're not there. |
| gets turned on, what gets watched, and what (if any) | | | | Now, when Cainan and I watch television together, |
| kind of interactions adults and kids have around the | | | | (usually recorded episodes of The Magic School Bus, |
| content. | | | | or videos rather than live TV), I'll ask, "What do you |
| Soon, I'll be changing my living situation and getting to | | | | make of that?" "How do you think Liz felt after that?" |
| decide whether the TV comes with me, but for now, it | | | | or "Why do you think they decided to do that?" This |
| lives, in my bedroom, no less. I don't find it invasive | | | | also teaches him to use his deductive reasoning skills |
| because, well, it doesn't get much use. | | | | to figure out the story line. |
| Here's what I've come up with for how to make TV | | | | If your child watches a show without you, you can |
| use a conscious decision: | | | | always have these kinds of conversations afterwards. |
| 1. Get clear with yourself. Why do you want a | | | | People of all ages love to talk about stories. |
| television? What purpose does the television serve in | | | | 4. Cultivate alternatives to television. For example, play |
| your life? For me, it's a way to have a temporary, | | | | music for your kids, and when they get old enough, let |
| occasional escape into what we call "entertainment." I | | | | them choose and play whatever they want. Make |
| enjoy this, and think most humans need some form of | | | | space for them to dance, relax, or play in whatever |
| this. | | | | way the music inspires them to do. This is a great way |
| I'm a screenwriter, and use the television to research | | | | for them to unwind and get into an altered state |
| films. I also want to be able to have a way for my son | | | | without the complete zone-out of mental activity that |
| to unwind every now and then that he enjoys, | | | | television produces. Other examples might include a |
| especially when he's not feeling well. | | | | walk outside, games, arts and crafts, or a cooking |
| 2. Choose time limits with/for young people. My son | | | | project. Reality check for overwhelmed parents: "Arts |
| and I have what we call "Monday night at the movies." | | | | and crafts" can consist of pens and scrap paper, or |
| This is the one time during the week where he can | | | | newspaper, glue and pebbles! |
| watch whatever he wants for an hour. Even better if | | | | One thing that helps me (and Cainan) deal with |
| you can give a choice: "Would you like Tuesday | | | | transition time from school to home is to have |
| afternoons, or Saturday mornings?" (I forgot to do | | | | something in mind to do when he walks in the door, |
| this-maybe you'll remember.) | | | | even if it's as simple as tossing a ball back and forth |
| Some families like to have a daily limit, others have | | | | for ten minutes. |
| weekly limits, but whatever you choose, it really helps | | | | So, I'm curious, how do you use, or not use, television |
| kids to be consistent all the way around. Young people | | | | at home? What results have you noticed? How do |
| get confused about the rules-and more tempted to try | | | | you feel about all that? |