| Everyone knows being a parent isn't easy. | | | | people in the same position. |
| In an ideal world you have your children and hopefully | | | | Also, again depending on the disability, there may well |
| raise them so they grow into responsible young adults | | | | be no activity outside of school, which the child can |
| who make their own way in the world. Of course | | | | attend, and consequently no opportunity to meet new |
| there are stages, which are difficult, but usually | | | | people. If you couple that with the fact most parents |
| everyone comes out okay in the end, and although | | | | of children with special needs often lose contact with |
| you always worry you have the hope your children will | | | | their original "friends", it can be a very lonely and |
| eventually be able to look after themselves | | | | isolated existence. |
| However, for parents of children with special needs it's | | | | My son was an extremely difficult child to manage for |
| a whole different ball game. It's a huge responsibility, | | | | many years. He's changed and is really calm now but I |
| which never gets easier and can consume families. | | | | still carry the mental scars of all the nightmare outings |
| My son is autistic. I'm convinced he wasn't born that | | | | when I just wanted the ground to open up and |
| way. The first year of his life was wonderful and we | | | | swallow me. So too does my other son. We never |
| were a "normal" family if there is such a thing. | | | | really went anywhere much, and my eldest son didn't |
| However, things began to get very difficult when he | | | | do much on his own or with anyone else. It was just |
| developed autism and life changed for everyone. | | | | too difficult to organise anything. |
| Things, which we had, until that point, just taken for | | | | If we went out at all it was to "safe" places where I |
| granted, now became major issues. There was no | | | | felt reasonably comfortable and which weren't too far |
| such thing as just "nipping into a shop", or | | | | from home in case my autistic son gave me a hard |
| spontaneously going for a walk, dropping in on a friend | | | | time. Also, I'm geographically challenged with a bad |
| or going for a meal. Everything had to be meticulously | | | | sense of direction so having to really concentrate on |
| planned and organised in advance with a backup plan | | | | driving and my unpredictable son was a bit daunting to |
| in case things went wrong, which they invariably did. | | | | say the least. We'd go out at quiet times when there |
| As a result we tended to stop going out as a family. | | | | weren't too many people around, or the weather was |
| Quite frankly it was just easier to stay at home. On | | | | bad. I can hardly describe them as "Fun" times. |
| the very rare occasions we were invited out I would | | | | However, as my son got older, became more able, |
| make excuses not to go. This was partly due to the | | | | and easier to manage, it became clear he wanted to |
| fear of what might happen, but also because I felt I | | | | do a greater variety of things, and go out in daylight |
| would have nothing to contribute to any conversation. | | | | hours not in the middle of the night. (Only joking - I was |
| My whole life seemed to be consumed with autism | | | | never that bad although we have been known to go |
| and its consequences. | | | | food shopping in the early hours of the morning). He |
| The problem also, was autism was consuming | | | | wanted, and needed to participate in the type of |
| everyone's lives and my other son suffered terribly. | | | | activities his peers enjoyed. |
| Not only did he have to live with the strange | | | | However, with a 34-year age gap, I'm probably not the |
| unpredictable behaviour of his younger brother on a | | | | best person to give him the "fun" time he's missed out |
| daily basis, but also his opportunities to join in with his | | | | on all these years. That's why his Circle of Friends is |
| peer activities were curtailed. As much as he hates to | | | | so fantastic. |
| admit it, I know his brother at times embarrassed him, | | | | For those of you who don't know, a Circle of Friends |
| and children can be very cruel. His childhood was not | | | | are a group of volunteers who are willing and able to |
| as happy as it should have been. | | | | spend a few hours each month (on a regular basis) |
| As I said having children isn't easy and if you are any | | | | with the person with special needs, and provide |
| sort of parent at all, does require changes to your | | | | opportunities for that person to have fun doing the |
| lifestyle, and usually develops different friendships. This | | | | things he or she likes to do. That was a bit of a |
| is natural and many new relationships are formed at | | | | mouthful but it just means the "special" person has |
| the school gates, or at after school activities where | | | | people to spend time with outside of his, or her |
| you get to meet other parents. | | | | immediate family - something many people with |
| However, that's not always the case for the parents | | | | disabilities don't have. |
| of children with special needs, and often instead of | | | | If you have a child with special needs I recommend |
| their children providing them with a larger circle of | | | | you look into the possibility of setting one up yourself. It |
| friends; it results in quite the opposite. Depending on the | | | | isn't difficult and can transform lives, or maybe you'd |
| disability, and the location of the school, many children | | | | like to be in a Circle and help someone else. Everyone |
| will have transport provided. As such their parents | | | | needs friends. |
| may never have the opportunity of meeting other | | | | |