Developing Rapport and Building Intuition With Anyone by Sharing Resources

At the time of writing this, my business partner and hisStep Four: Now step into an entirely neutral space, and
wife are currently enjoying themselves on holiday andbe a 'fly on the wall' or just a neutral observer. Imagine
celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. One of thereplaying and watching all the previous sets of
things that all of us are sure to notice about peoplemovements that just occurred - your partners original
when they spend good periods of time in the companymovements, your imitation and then you stepping into
of others, is that they can take on certain traits oftheir shoes... Watch it all happening again from an
those people... Not to mention taking on many of theirentirely neutral stance.
strengths. I know in the years that I have been with myFrom this position, get a sense of what makes your
own wife, I have learnt many strengths that shepartner's movements similar to and different from your
embodies in day to day life.own. get a real notion of what they are doing and how
A process I learned from Robert Dilts that I am sharingwell you did the same thing. notice any adjustments
with you here is one whereby you can do this processthat may need to be made or that you see what is
of sharing resources with anyone - whether you aregoing on for all those positions being replayed in your
married to them or not! This exercise is best done inmind.
pairs first of all, then you might consider doing it inOnce you have gathered as much information and
larger groups, I'll explain how later on.observed as much as you can, move on to the next
Step One: With a good receptive mindset and in astep.
place you are going to be undisturbed and can focus,Step Five: You now have some fun... Returning to your
select a resource that your partner has that can bestarting position, now turn and get yourself side by side
shared.with your partner.
Have them think about an experience they had whereYou then make your resource movements, and allow
they used that resource wonderfully; ensure youryour partner to make their own version of the
partner is aware of what they saw, heard and felt,movements. Together, in discussion or just by making
what their internal dialogue was and as they recall allphysical adjustments, affect your movements until you
of that, and have them express that experience andstart to blend the two resource states through
that resource in body movement, gestures andmovement. You start to share your space and your
posture.movements in a lovely way.
Ideally, they should choose a recent experi­ence thatJust compare and share and alter in any way that you
they found to be resourceful and that they can recallfeel makes the resource even better and more
as vividly as possible.progressive, in whatever way that means to you. Get
Really explore the body movements, posture andof sense of what it means to have this resource and
non-verbal nuances that somehow express thatthere you have it... It is yours, you have shared it! Once
resourceful state in the best way possible. Once theyyou have spent enough time and made all the
have done this as best as they possibly can, spendingadjustments that you feel you need to, if you want to
an adequate period of time on it, move to the nextdo this in larger groups (I sometimes do this on
step.trainings), then move on...
Step Two: You now face your partner and begin toStep Six: So now if you are doing this in a group, you
mimic, copy and imitate their movements.follow all the previous steps in pairs, then you now go
Facing your partner at a comfortable level, follow thisand repeat the process with another pair.
movement pattern. Now, continu­ing where you areSimply put, you both now find another pair and repeat
facing them, imitate your partner's body movementsthe pattern. This time, start with the movement that
whilst really taking as much notice of all the details,you created together.... You'll blend your resource
rhythms, gestures, posture, timings, sounds andstates together, so to speak, each time creating more
everything else you can possibly be aware of. Onlywonderful resource states to share and develop. You
when you feel you have really taken it on board andcan then just swap pairs and spend time with more
are imitating it closely, then move on to the next step.people doing this, or you can continue to expand the
Step Three: Now you swap positions with yourgroup and shared sense of joining resources until the
partner and step into the space they were in so thatentire group is expe­riencing the same thing
you can take on and adopt your partner's experiencealtogether... It is a lovely thing to do for all manner of
and movements as if you were in their shoes.reasons!
Engage in the experience to the extent where youStep Seven: Whether you remain in a pair or a big
imagine taking on their mindset, stepping into their bodygroup sharing the resources, have a go at testing what
and experiencing the entire thing through your partnersyou've done.
eyes. Express yourself as though you were actuallyGet some feedback and explore what the shared
them.resource was like for those involved.
Pay very close attention to your thoughts now, yourYou see as well as developing resources, what this
movements and really notice any subtle ways,exercise is really about, is enhancing your ability to
nuances, mannerisms that change whilst experiencingempa­thise, develop rapport, be intuitive and create a
the process from their point of view. Once you feelconnection with others... Just like the things that occur
you have taken on their movements and learned evennaturally when people have been married for a
more about this resource, then move on to the nextnumber of years as I mentioned at the beginning.
step.