Strategies To Help You And Your Child Survive Homework

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Is homework wreaking havoc in your home? If thethe family as well. Besides the obvious down side, this
answer is YES, then finding the real causes behind themay be harmful to children's intellectual development.
homework problems, and taking steps to resolve them,Their brains are developing and they need to use all
will improve both school success and family harmony.parts, and good quality play provides opportunities to
How do we know? Homework is the single biggestuse the "far corners" of the brain that might otherwise
issue affecting home life, according to many of theremain fallow. So, it turns out that children need to play.
parents who bring their children to us at STRONGSurprisingly, brain research indicates that occasional
Learning Centers®.boredom is good, too, as it forces children to think of
Here are the ten most common causes of homeworkthings to do — that is, to use their brains to create.
problems, along with suggestions to help you resolveSo if homework time seems to have taken over your
them.home, work out a schedule with your child so that he
1. THE HOMEWORK IS TOO DIFFICULT.doesn't have to lie in order to play.
If the homework is continuously too difficult, with6. TOO MUCH PARENT INVOLVEMENT.
everything that entails, then a child will try to avoid it.Some parents are overly involved in their child's
Look into the cause. Begin by having a conversationhomework. Here are the three most common types, all
with the teacher. If the problem is class-wide, hopefullyof whom tend to drive their children toward lying and
the teacher will evaluate and adjust the nature of hisdeception. If any of these describe you, then work to
or her homework assignments. If the problem is limitedchange your behavior.
to your child, she may require additional help from theA. The "perfectionist parents." Perfectionists demand
teacher after school, from you, from a sibling, from apicture-perfect-homework. Their children hate to let
teenager you hire, or from a tutor. If this fails to resolvethem see their homework papers out of fear that they
the issue, then a reevaluation of the type of class, orwill judge the work unworthy, tear it up, and make
course level, or teaching vs. learning style, or schoolthem do it again. Besides being tedious and time
may be in order.demanding, in these extreme cases it is downright
On the other hand, the cause of the problem may bedisrespectful of the child.
a disability: physical, learning and/or attentional. YourB. The "helicopter parents." These parents hover over
child may have difficulty in such areas as: hearing,their children, making sure that every "t" is crossed and
seeing, reading, processing language, or writing, or sheevery "i" is dotted. They think they're being helpful, but
may have ADD or ADHD. If the problem is one ofhere's the problem: By not giving their children any
these, sometimes it is easy to resolve. For example,breathing room, they are delivering the tacit message
corrective glasses can easily resolve some seeingthat their children are not capable of doing the work
issues and behavioral therapy and/or possiblythemselves. Not only does this harm their self-esteem,
medication might help AD/HD, the newer term for thebut it also denies them the opportunity of taking
disorder. In many cases, consulting teachers,responsibility for their own work.
counselors, or specialists in the appropriate field, mightC. The "Pandora parents." The children of Pandora
be in order.parents tend to deny the existence of any homework
Note: If you suspect AD/HD, a valuable resource isthey don't understand because asking Mom or Dad
CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficiteven the simplest question is tantamount to opening
Hyperactivity Disorder organization). For information onPandora's box. Their well-meaning parents can't
the learning disability (LD) issue in general, contact thecontain their enthusiasm and turn what would ordinary
Learning Disabilities Association of America (LDA).require a short answer into a long-winded treatise on
2. THE HOMEWORK IS TOO CONFUSING.some esoteric detail.
When children chronically complain that assignments or7. THE CHILD IS UNMOTIVATED.
directions are confusing, they are likely to becomeMost children don't want to do homework. But while
frustrated and/or anxious, eventually avoiding suchthey may put up quite a fuss, somehow they manage
assignments. Parents usually respond to these childrento get the work done. If they don't, motivation may not
by asking, "Weren't you listening?" Or "Just read thebe the problem; they may appear unmotivated, but this
directions!" The children were listening or reading, butmay be a convincing protective screen they've set up
they may not have been able to process theto mask a larger issue.
information.For example, many children appear unmotivated when
In this case, the cause may be reading comprehensionin fact they avoid homework to protect their egos.
and/or language processing problems. You may needHow's that? Because these children erroneously
to seek the help of teachers or a learning specialist toequate failure with stupidity. Their logic is as follows: If
help your child learn strategies she can use tothey try and fail, it is a reflection of their intelligence. If
overcome or compensate for her disability. Forthey don't try and fail, it is not a reflection of their
example, she may need to put the words into picturesintelligence; it is due to lack of motivation or
or graphic organizers. Children who become confusedirresponsibility. These labels they can live with; the label
due to problems with language processing, do better"stupid," they can't!
when they can see things visually.8. TOO MUCH HOMEWORK.
And, regardless of who is working with them, be sureMany kids simply cannot keep up with the projects,
they remain actively involved. Children (and adults too)tests, quizzes, reading and other assignments they are
are notorious for shaking their heads "yes" whengiven.
asked "Do you understand?" even when they don'tHere is a general guide for the typical amount of time
understand. Sometimes they are just yessing you andchildren should be expected to spend on homework
sometimes they think they understand. However, wheneach school day. Grades K-2, about 10-20 minutes.
you ask them to explain or discuss what you wereGrades 3-6, about 30-60 minutes. Grades 7-12 will
just talking about, they realize that they reallyvary considerably, depending on subjects, projects due,
don’t understand.tests, etc., but a reasonable average is about two
If neither of these areas are the cause of the problem,hours, with more on weekends, as needed, for major
then you may need to investigate why your childprojects and exams.
continues to complain. If it turns out it is simply a ploy toIf your child spends considerably more than this on
get you to do the work with him, then you need tohomework, look into the cause. Begin by having a
address the reason for that behavior. But waitconversation with the teacher. If the problem is
— before you get annoyed, remember what itclass-wide, hopefully the teacher will make
was like for you when you were a child. Homeworkadjustments. If the problem is limited to your child
isn't always fun, and sometimes it's nice to have a littlebecause your child works slowly, or has other issues
company. Your child may simply want your companydiscussed in this section, talk to his teacher and see
during homework time. Wow! How's that for thewhat can be done to modify his assignments.
ultimate compliment?9. IT'S TOO NOISY.
3. THE HOMEWORK IS TOO LOW-QUALITY ORMany kids complain that they can't concentrate at
TOO BORING.home. Their siblings are running around, TVs and music
Sometimes homework assignments are low-qualitysystems are blaring, someone's on the phone, people
boring busywork and children will avoid them simplyare fighting, the dog is barking, the baby is crying. I don't
because they don't want to do them. Unfortunately,know about you, but I need quiet to do work that
one of life's little lessons that children need to learn isrequires thinking. Closed bedroom doors don't help
that sometimes we simply have to do boring things. If,much, as the muffled sounds of chaos always
however, every assignment appears to be dull, toomanage to get through.
easy, or too low-quality, you may need to talk to yourHere is an idealistic solution. Even if it can't be carried
child's teacher to determine the purpose of theout fully, at least it is something to aim for. As a family,
assignments. Many teachers do not realize how someconsider designating a block of time as quiet time.
of the assignments are coming across to the children;Normal living continues, but more quietly than usual. Kids
chances are they will appreciate the feedback andcan use the time to do homework; parents can read,
adjust the work as appropriate.balance the checkbook, and write e-mails; those who
4. THE CHILD IS DISORGANIZED.have time to watch television can do so with
He brings home the book and forgets the assignment.headphones or the sound turned low. Sometimes quiet
He brings home the assignment and forgets the book.sounds pretty good, doesn't it?
Or he forgets the assignment and the book. Does this10. THE CHILD IS TOO ALONE.
sound familiar? If so, it sounds like you've got yourselfSome children are lonely when required to do
a disorganized child. The same is true for children whohomework in their rooms, and don't work efficiently in
can’t judge time or can't manage their time.that setting. Some need continuous support and
They may have the best intentions to get thedirection. That is, they need someone to help them
homework done, but somehow it gets lost in theirstay on task or to provide a little assistance when
time-maze.they get stuck. If required to work alone in their rooms,
It is so difficult for disorganized children to get theirthese are the kids who emerge three hours later with
homework done that some of them would rather lie,little or nothing accomplished. Both groups of children
insisting that there is no homework, than be criticizedtend to prefer doing homework on the kitchen table.
and punished. If poor organizational skills seems to beThis way they have people around them, either for
the issue, there are many books and articles that offersupport or company.
great strategies to help the disorganized child. See, forSo, if homework causes chaos in your home, look into
example, pp 123-127 in Why Bad Grades Happen tothe reasons. Once you find them, and do what you
Good Kids.need to resolve the problems, you'll be back on the
5. THE HOMEWORK IS TOO INTRUSIVE.road to school success and family harmony.
It's a fact; homework cuts into playtime. So what's the(Originally published at the Strong Learning website and
problem? The problem is that in some casesreprinted with permission of the authors, Linda Bress
homework time creeps up to the point of consumingSilbert, Ph.D. and Alvin J. Silbert, Ed.D.