| Many parents are concerned about laying a good | | | | stuck" at an early stage if that stage is not |
| foundation for their children that they might grow to | | | | successfully navigated. |
| become moral, responsible adults. In part, parents often | | | | Furthermore, problems may appear during the |
| rely on Sunday school or other types of religious | | | | adolescent identity crisis of even later in adulthood. |
| education to help convey the message of morality. In | | | | Lawrence Kohlberg was a theorist of moral |
| raising moral children, there are a few points that bear | | | | development. His theory reminds us that young children |
| remembering. | | | | do not see the world in such philosophical categories |
| First, child rearing is a developmental endeavor. That | | | | as moral or immoral. Here the focus is on reward and |
| implies that children progress through moral stages and | | | | punishment. What is good is what brings a reward. |
| understandings at a certain (variable) pace. There is | | | | They also develop a sense of parity; one hand |
| little evidence that children can be hurried along the | | | | washes the other. "If you are nice to me, I'll be nice to |
| developmental journey. There is a developmental track | | | | you," is one of the earliest orientations. In late childhood, |
| for moral development, social development, and | | | | children reach a stage of wanting things to be fair and |
| cognitive development. All areas of development | | | | law-driven. Here they are concerned about following |
| come into play in our efforts to raise moral children. | | | | the rules. It is not until adolescence or later that kids |
| Jean Piaget, the famous developmentalist, reminds us | | | | begin to see right and wrong in truly moral terms. From |
| that young children have not yet arrived at the stage | | | | this perspective, the best we can do is "play along" |
| of formal, symbolic thought. | | | | with development. We must never expect young |
| Many parents will attempt to moralize with children in | | | | children to have a truly moral view of things. This is |
| abstract, moral discussions-suitably "watered-down," or | | | | something they are "nurtured into." |
| so they think, to meet their kids where they are. | | | | If caregivers follow the rule of gentle persuasion and |
| However, if research on cognitive development is at all | | | | fairness, children will naturally move into an |
| correct, it is unlikely that children are being "converted" | | | | understanding of morality. What about religious |
| to a moral or religious stance. They may say "yes" | | | | instruction? James Fowler has spoken to this at length. |
| and seem to get the point, but it is unlikely that they do. | | | | Combining theories of earlier theorists, he has noted |
| A much better approach is to work on actions | | | | that the earliest claim to faith is affiliative. Children |
| involving simple reciprocity, things like sharing of toys | | | | make "professions of faith" to please their parents and |
| and friends. Young children are naturally egocentric. By | | | | feel a sense of unity with them. It is very doubtful that |
| involving them in such simple understandings as "you | | | | children really understand the notion of freely chosen |
| scratch my back, I'll scratch yours," children come to | | | | conversion before early adolescence. How do we put |
| see simple morality as pragmatic, paving the way for | | | | all of this together to get some direction? |
| the later stages when formal reasoning makes children | | | | Follow the developmental curve. Meet children where |
| receptive to more abstract appeals. | | | | they are. Do not moralize with them, and do not |
| In terms of social development, Erik Erikson would no | | | | expect more than they are able to deliver. Keep |
| doubt point us to those natural conflicts that occur at | | | | discipline mild, and aim it towards learning such |
| each advancing stage of development. In the early | | | | socialization skills as sharing in a polite and caring way. |
| stages when a child struggles between trust and | | | | Do not expect little ones to be too selfless. Remember |
| mistrust, and shame and guilt vs. autonomy, children | | | | that childhood is not a race; the stages cannot be |
| need reassurance. If they are subjected to constant | | | | bypassed. Accept children where they are |
| moralizing and put-downs, they will likely adopt an | | | | developmentally, and provide a warm nurturing |
| outlook of inferiority. In addition, they will become | | | | environment. If we "teach from behind," letting the |
| increasing likely to look to an outside locus of control. | | | | child's natural developmental stages take the lead, we |
| The best way to raise autonomous, responsible adults | | | | will be doing the best we can to raise moral, |
| is by acceptance as opposed to constant correction. | | | | responsible children who grow into moral, responsible |
| Erikson's theory predicts that someone might "get | | | | adults. |