| Is it a bit unusual to have a conversation with a | | | | establishing priorities or new routines when coping with |
| deceased loved one? Do many people do this? And | | | | loss. They are also a way of honoring the deceased. |
| are there any benefits to such action? What will my | | | | Starting the day off, as many survivors do, with |
| friends think if they find out? These questions are not | | | | greetings or remembrance to the deceased before |
| uncommon in the thoughts of those mourning the | | | | getting into the hustle and bustle of the day, is a |
| death of a loved one. | | | | hopeful way to begin your day. |
| Briefly, talking to someone who has died is common | | | | 5. It is an effective emotional release. Many widows |
| for many. There are a considerable number of people | | | | speak to their deceased husbands to express feelings. |
| who pray and talk to their deceased loved ones on a | | | | This action is not only mentally and physically |
| regular basis. And no, it is not at all unusual since the | | | | appropriate but it allows a freedom of expression not |
| practice has a long history. In fact, some Christian | | | | often found when interacting with others. "It makes me |
| denominations believe in the doctrine of the | | | | feel he's still around" said one mourner. |
| Communion of Saints. This involves the belief that | | | | 6. It can bolster confidence. "I feel better" said one |
| deceased loved ones who are in heaven are able to | | | | woman after speaking to her deceased loved one. |
| intercede to God for those on earth. | | | | Others suggest a talk can diminish the feeling of being |
| As for your friends and what they might think, I would | | | | alone. Still others use a conversation to ask for a sign |
| suggest that is the least of all things to worry about. | | | | that the loved one is okay in another existence. |
| That is their problem, not yours. Of course, you don't | | | | 7. It gives peace to be able to tell a loved one when |
| have to tell them anyway. I say all of this because I | | | | something happens. When living alone, many widows |
| recommend to most of the people in my support | | | | talk to the deceased loved one, especially in the |
| groups to talk to the loved one whenever they feel it is | | | | evenings when in need of companionship. Do what |
| needed. Why? Because it is obviously very beneficial. | | | | you feel comfortable with and that gives peace of |
| Here's seven reasons why the practice is useful in | | | | mind, which is a major factor in evaluating the |
| dealing with transition. | | | | awareness and use of mystery in a world steeped in |
| 1. It provides comfort in transition. For many people | | | | "seeing is believing." |
| who talk to their deceased loved one the action itself | | | | Because we live in a world designed to keep the |
| is comforting. They are doing something that eases | | | | spiritual and the soulful on the periphery, does not |
| the burden of accepting the fact that the loved one is | | | | mean that we cannot intelligently choose to speak to a |
| not physically present. | | | | deceased loved one. There is nothing weird about |
| 2. It gives motivation to work to adjust to a new world. | | | | doing so. It is obviously very useful and strengthening |
| Having a real or imaginary conversation with a loved | | | | for millions. And no one can explain how this interaction |
| one, when dealing with massive change, may provide | | | | may work, and it's not necessary to have an |
| the extra push to deal with a difficult problem. If you | | | | explanation. |
| believe your loved one can hear you, then ask for help | | | | We know that spiritual traditions around the world |
| in tackling the problem--see what pops into your mind | | | | suggest praying to deceased loved ones. The |
| after asking a question. If you don't believe your talk is | | | | best-selling author, Thomas Moore, insightfully recalls |
| heard, but is simply using your imagination, then after | | | | part of his mother's legacy: "My mother honored the |
| asking a question imagine what your loved one might | | | | dead and communicated with her ancestors |
| say in response. | | | | constantly. She taught me this piece of practical |
| 3. It is a way to demonstrate loving in separation. | | | | mystical theology, and I will continue to follow her way. |
| Talking out loud or silently to your loved one is another | | | | Depending on your belief system, incorporate |
| example of loving in separation through remembrance. | | | | conversations with your loved one as a way to cope |
| He/she is always a thought away in your heart and it | | | | with your loss and reinvest in life. As one woman who |
| may well be an important way for you to remind | | | | was engaged to be married told me recently, "It's been |
| yourself that love never dies and you will always have | | | | over eight years and I still converse with him [her first |
| a relationship though separated. There is nothing | | | | husband]. I tell him to go out there and help our son." |
| untoward with honoring the dead every day in this | | | | This woman is as grounded as anyone you would |
| way, if you are so inclined. | | | | want to meet, and has learned to incorporate |
| 4. It can be used it as a wake-up ritual. Rituals, whether | | | | nonphysical reality into her lifestyle. You can too, and |
| formal or informal, can provide a major way of | | | | live life more fully. |